Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. I Corinthians 13:4-5 NIV
As the sun began to sink low, I drove toward home alone, my car navigating down the familiar streets in autopilot. Pulling up to the red light at the intersection, the pain hit me again. Hot tears began streaming down my face. I didn’t choose to be divorced. Even though divorce was all around us, we agreed that it was never an option for us. The “D-word” was never even spoken in our home…until that autumn day.
The heartbreak of hearing my husband speaking the words that he didn’t love me anymore and wanted a divorce was a crushing blow that broke my heart and my life into little pieces. The shards were so sharp, they pierced through every nerve in my body causing excruciating physical pain. How did I miss it? When did it start to fall apart? Who was to blame?
I Corinthians 13 says “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”. It was read in our wedding ceremony 33 years ago, and it was a beautiful illustration of our new life together.
Now as I read it, the words yelled an accusation of failure. Then, God began to whisper in my ear the words as a beautiful illustration of healing. Especially the last phrase in verse 5 “it keeps no record of wrongs”. By holding onto offenses, collecting them like momentos to be displayed as evidence of my hurt, I only cause harm to myself by reliving the pain.
As I had cleaned out my home and garage, freeing myself from the stuff that seemed so important to our married life, now I must also clean out my heart and rid myself of negative thoughts and memories that weighed me down and kept me from moving forward.
God continued to whisper in my ear, that He loved me and He would never leave or become tired of me. I began to center my thoughts on who God is and what He says about me.
God says:
I am beautiful. (Psalm 45:11)
I am loved (Jeremiah 31:3, Colossians 3:12)
I am special (Ephesians 2:10)
I have a purpose (Jeremiah 29:11)
I am precious (I Corinthians 6:20)
I am strong (Psalm 68:35, Joshua 1:9)
I am protected (Psalm 121:3)
I am a child of God (John 1:12)
I choose to believe what God says about me. It’s time to let go of offenses and hold on to God.
Father – Help me to stop rewriting, rehearsing, and revising memories into a story that steers my heart in the wrong direction. Help me to let go of anything that doesn’t empower me to walk positively and confidently forward in Your love and will for my life. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
